Tag Archives: Penis

All Signs Point to NO…

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So, I “dated” this guy for about 4 months, after about 6 months of his nonstop begging (should’ve been sign #1). We were talking and hadn’t gotten to the physical part yet due to my non physical attraction to him (should’ve been sign #2). When I finally let this “Relationship” begin, we hung out, drank, smoked – everything was cool. We fooled around every so often; he was cool to hang out with.

Well, after about a month I finally let him hit. I was expecting for this session to be AMAZING based on the sex talk he was constantly spitting my way. The way he spoke about his head game, the positions, how long he lasted – all that good stuff – so obviously I was expecting some good shit. BOY WAS I WRONG. Let me explain: to begin, u should know that I am a “give the benefit of the doubt” kind of girl.

First let down: poor thing had a poor thing size of a penis. As I said, I am a “give the benefit of the doubt” kind of girl, so instantly I think “its not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean.” So we keep fooling around, kissing, grabbing and everything… homie proceeds to take my panties off and go down south; that may have been the only decent part of this encounter. I give him a 6 out of 10 (and yet that is still not my worse rating on that). After a few minutes I’m over that (and I love to get eaten out, so imagine my disappointment) so I pull him up and direct him so we can begin the “fuckfest”. I don’t even know how to explain, it was TERRIBLE! I had to fake the entire session (maybe like 6 minutes).

From beginning to end, it was a big let down. The head game; the size; the motion of the ocean; that sex talk was a rouge and I feel like I got played. I tried to make it work for a few more months because he was a really nice guy, but I couldn’t take it; we fucked maybe a total of 3-4 times in our 4 month run. After our 4th month, I was going to a boat party with my sister on a random Sunday, and I knew there was going to be this hottie who had been after me for a while. I kept turning him down because I didn’t want to cheat, so I did the honorable thing: I broke up with my boyfriend the Monday before the party, because I knew what was gonna happen.

After 4 months of terrible sex and being faithful I felt I deserved a reward. So we broke up, and let’s just say I woke up Monday morning after that boat party, feeling VERY happy and satisfied.

– Dirty Diva

Genitalia

The first time I touched a penis, I was in the 5th grade. It wasn’t intentional. I was sitting across from *Brian in the lunch room and was swaying my feet back and forth. I put my foot up to the bench and completely massaged his 10 year old penis without even realizing what I was doing. Once he figured out it what was really happening and looked at me dead in my face …I think I turned beet red. Lol

Below are two pretty funny videos about gay men and lesbian women touching the genitals of the opposite sex for the first time ever. I’m happy I didn’t react like these guys and gals did.

 

– Dirty Diva

*Videos courtesy of youtube.*

*Brian is his real name. Brian, if you read this and remember this happening, I’m not sorry. It was pretty funny. :)*

Does Size Matter?

Khloe has always been my favorite Kardashian. She’s the one with brains.. the one with logic.. and we are the same sign! So naturally.. we are like the same person.

She went on the Howard Stern show a few days ago, and of course, he asked her that damn question that all men with small dicks want to know: “Does Size Matter? ” Like a true Cancer, she answered the question.. and the conversation took off from there.

Perhaps my favorite part about this snippet of her interview was when she was asked about her blow job skills.

Personally, I give PHENOMENAL blow jobs (I’ve heard this pleeeeeenty of times, so it must be true, amirite?), and I will tell you that while Khloe gave literal advice on why her blow jobs are so damn good (which I COMPLETELY agree with), she failed to mention one thing:

When someone really enjoys giving a blow job, they will always do an amazing job at it.

Have you ever noticed that you always give it your best and your all to the things you enjoy doing? Its a completely normal characteristic in life.. one thrives in shit they know they are damn good at. If Khloe loves sucking cock, she’s gonna suck the SHIT out of that cock every chance she gets!! Sweet baby J up above knows I sure do!

Like I said earlier – Khloe has always been my favorite Kardashian – and this mini interview further cemented that feeling.

– Dirty Diva

*Videos courtesy of – Youtube*

The Dick Whisperer

It’s pretty safe to say that I’ve been around the block a few times. I’m not ashamed of it – I looove me some penis. However, in that same token, I honestly do wonder if I’m able to differentiate between penises, if they were put in front of me and I was supposed to tell them apart without being able to actually see them. I’ve only recently began to expand my penis repertoire (I always stuck to what I knew; I like to ‘play it safe”), so I can’t say I know a lot about cocks from different countries aside from the stereotypes I’ve heard.

Below is a video that I literally almost PEED MY FUCKING PANTS at while watching. Two women are blindfolded and they are asked to identify the dude’s nationality based on his penis. All I’m gonna say is.. I wish I were the woman to have created the name “The Dick Whisper”. Shit I wish I were that woman. LMAO.

BEST. VIDEO. EVER.

Do you think that you’d be able to tell the difference between the penises? Let us know in the comments below!

– Dirty Diva

She-Hulk

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” I think my boyfriend and I had 1-2 years into our relationship. Around that the time he lived with his mother and brother in a two bedroom apartment.
Despite this scenario, we hardly ran into the issue of not being able to have sex.
Unfortunately, his sister who lived outside of NY got into a car accident and was temporarily in a wheelchair. For the time being, she had to come live with his mother until she was able to get back on her feet.
However, due to the lack of privacy (his sister was home 24/7 for obvious reasons, of course) we would go days without having sex. Can you imagine having no place to fuck (besides motels/hotels which we didn’t have the luxury to do on a daily basis)?! I didn’t have my own place, so that was out of the picture. He did have a car though, so we resorted to having incognito sex there, only at nights around the deserted areas on Riverside Drive.
At the beginning it was a joy ride for me, but it gradually started becoming a routine pattern which I despise (“routines”)! I needed a change of scene, excitement: anything!
Finally! It was a full house on a Saturday afternoon at his mother’s and the sex tension was on high. He got up to use the restroom, I followed.
We kiss as we simultaneously undo our pants, he turns me around and inserts his penis from the back. I’m facing the tile wall and using the towel holder outer rods as support. He’s pounding me like a jackhammer; I keep up with him as I furiously back it up even harder and feel his dick fulfilling every inch inside of me. The pounding continues and SNAP! We tumble few inches backwards, the sink thankfully stops us from falling, as well as the small size of the bathroom that we’re working with! I look down in my hands and see the right hand side of the towel holder rod! Huh? How can I?! The shit was super attached or glued or whatever source they used on the tile! I’ve always been told I’m a bit aggressive and strong but never to this magnitude!
Fortunately, he took the rap, his Puerto Rican mom gave him an earful of how he stays breaking things!
You won’t catch me doing like Mimi (Love & Hip Hop ATL) getting fucked as she hangs from the shower curtain rod- I’ll bring the whole roof down, hahaha! “
– Dirty Diva

What Makes a Grown Man Scream ?

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” My man is always joking around with me, telling me that he wants to cum on my face. You know my NEVER changing reply, right? OH HELLLLLL NO. That is NOT happening. I know not he just says it to get me going; he knows it gets me upset. To me that’s disrespectful, and I’m NOT having it.

Well, one day he kept messing around with me and telling me that it was going to happen sooner than I thought. Well I was prepared for it. Later on that night, he comes over and we are watching a movie when things start getting SUPER hot and heavy. I’m kissing him, hands in his pants. Ready to give him the blow job of his life.

I’m sucking like I’ve never sucked before. ‘Diablo baby – DIABLO. GOD I LOVE YOU. HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT. AAARRRGHHH JUST LIKE THAT. FUCK IM GONNA CUM. FUCK BABY IM GONNA CUM. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUU..’

He pulled out of my mouth right as he was going to release his delicious load, but I knew what was going to happen. I shoved his penis upward and it shot right into his eye.

I’ve never seen a grown man scream like a bitch, but there’s a first time for everything. It was by far the funniest thing I’ve encountered sexually. It burned and his eye was irritated for a few days, but hey at least he learned his lesson. Never threaten to cum in your girls eye if you don’t want a taste of your own medicine.”

– Dirty Diva

Snow Day Pity Cooch

It was a snowy day in NYC. I was able to leave work early today; man am I glad my bosses made that happen!

I was chattin w my homegirls’ and we were discussing the crappy weather and how much we would all have rather been in bed (our own beds) with our boos’ instead of suffering through work, when the OG remembered a not so awesome story she decided to share:

“It was quite a few snowstorms ago; back when I was single. I had been talkin’ to this guy on and off for a while, but I wasn’t really feelin’ him. We had messed around a few times before, and we fucked once before, but I vowed to never do that again. He was so small! Literally, like 4 INCHES. 4 INCHES!!! I know some people say ‘it’s not the size that matters; it’s the motion in the ocean’,  but I’m sorry; that is such bull shit!

Well, he wouldn’t leave me alone this one particular day. The whole time he’s texting me, telling me that he misses me and all this shit. I was bored and alone so I told him to come over. He must’ve really been feening to see me, cuz he trooped it from the L.E.S. on the MTA to come see me. So whatever, he comes through; brings liquor. I could tell immediately that he wanted the cooch. I mean, who wouldn’t want this great cooch?!

Ugh; he was so nice too. So, there we are, drinking; talkin’ shit, and next thing you know, he’s trynna make a move on me! I didn’t want it. Man was I NOT into it… but he was SO persistent! I felt so bad for him; he even set the mood with all of these R&B songs; I think he made playlist on his iPod. Points for romance?

Well, I took one for the team and fucked him. Yeah, he got the snow day pity cooch. The only thing I’m thinking while he’s on top of me and Avant’s ‘4 Minutes’ are playing, is: ‘Man this is bad. I thought women lied when they said they couldn’t feel anything, but SHIT!’ Definitely had to fake it. Worst 4 minutes of my life!

You already know that I never called him again, right? LOL. Oh well, had bigger and better dicks to move on to, literally!”

– Dirty Diva

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