Tag Archives: Dick

All Signs Point to NO…

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So, I “dated” this guy for about 4 months, after about 6 months of his nonstop begging (should’ve been sign #1). We were talking and hadn’t gotten to the physical part yet due to my non physical attraction to him (should’ve been sign #2). When I finally let this “Relationship” begin, we hung out, drank, smoked – everything was cool. We fooled around every so often; he was cool to hang out with.

Well, after about a month I finally let him hit. I was expecting for this session to be AMAZING based on the sex talk he was constantly spitting my way. The way he spoke about his head game, the positions, how long he lasted – all that good stuff – so obviously I was expecting some good shit. BOY WAS I WRONG. Let me explain: to begin, u should know that I am a “give the benefit of the doubt” kind of girl.

First let down: poor thing had a poor thing size of a penis. As I said, I am a “give the benefit of the doubt” kind of girl, so instantly I think “its not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean.” So we keep fooling around, kissing, grabbing and everything… homie proceeds to take my panties off and go down south; that may have been the only decent part of this encounter. I give him a 6 out of 10 (and yet that is still not my worse rating on that). After a few minutes I’m over that (and I love to get eaten out, so imagine my disappointment) so I pull him up and direct him so we can begin the “fuckfest”. I don’t even know how to explain, it was TERRIBLE! I had to fake the entire session (maybe like 6 minutes).

From beginning to end, it was a big let down. The head game; the size; the motion of the ocean; that sex talk was a rouge and I feel like I got played. I tried to make it work for a few more months because he was a really nice guy, but I couldn’t take it; we fucked maybe a total of 3-4 times in our 4 month run. After our 4th month, I was going to a boat party with my sister on a random Sunday, and I knew there was going to be this hottie who had been after me for a while. I kept turning him down because I didn’t want to cheat, so I did the honorable thing: I broke up with my boyfriend the Monday before the party, because I knew what was gonna happen.

After 4 months of terrible sex and being faithful I felt I deserved a reward. So we broke up, and let’s just say I woke up Monday morning after that boat party, feeling VERY happy and satisfied.

– Dirty Diva

The New Attraction

His lips are the sexiest she has seen,
Pink as the inside of the freshest strawberry.

While the awkward laughs come to an end,
She takes a chance and bites his neck.

With a closer look she stares –
The attraction is heating up; changing the climate.

She gets on top of his muscular legs
While she rests her plump ass in his open hands.

Feeling his erect dick she gets wet.
Reaching towards her juicy boobs,
He grabs her swollen nipples getting closer to greet.

She moans as she feels tingles in herclit.
He rips her clothes open making the time tick.

Sliding his hands down her body, till he reaches her waist.
The sound of her moans increases the pace of his heart beat.
As he pulls her closer, the harder it is to let her go.

Kissing and licking the inside of her thighs,
He grabs and squeezes her ass.

The feeling of her wetness against his hard dick entice emotion and need.
Entering her mouth, caressing and tasting her tongue.

He becomes hungry for her, desiring her seductive soul.

Wasting no time, he pulls her hair tilting her head as he begins to aggressively kiss her.
He slides inside her, they both gasp lip to lip.
Wet warmth of perfection surrounding his dick.
Perceiving her small space, he sees heaven.

Feeling her fingers digging into his back as he spanks and loves her doggy style.                                                                                                            

                                                                                                                  By: B.C.

Genitalia

The first time I touched a penis, I was in the 5th grade. It wasn’t intentional. I was sitting across from *Brian in the lunch room and was swaying my feet back and forth. I put my foot up to the bench and completely massaged his 10 year old penis without even realizing what I was doing. Once he figured out it what was really happening and looked at me dead in my face …I think I turned beet red. Lol

Below are two pretty funny videos about gay men and lesbian women touching the genitals of the opposite sex for the first time ever. I’m happy I didn’t react like these guys and gals did.

 

– Dirty Diva

*Videos courtesy of youtube.*

*Brian is his real name. Brian, if you read this and remember this happening, I’m not sorry. It was pretty funny. :)*

Does Size Matter?

Khloe has always been my favorite Kardashian. She’s the one with brains.. the one with logic.. and we are the same sign! So naturally.. we are like the same person.

She went on the Howard Stern show a few days ago, and of course, he asked her that damn question that all men with small dicks want to know: “Does Size Matter? ” Like a true Cancer, she answered the question.. and the conversation took off from there.

Perhaps my favorite part about this snippet of her interview was when she was asked about her blow job skills.

Personally, I give PHENOMENAL blow jobs (I’ve heard this pleeeeeenty of times, so it must be true, amirite?), and I will tell you that while Khloe gave literal advice on why her blow jobs are so damn good (which I COMPLETELY agree with), she failed to mention one thing:

When someone really enjoys giving a blow job, they will always do an amazing job at it.

Have you ever noticed that you always give it your best and your all to the things you enjoy doing? Its a completely normal characteristic in life.. one thrives in shit they know they are damn good at. If Khloe loves sucking cock, she’s gonna suck the SHIT out of that cock every chance she gets!! Sweet baby J up above knows I sure do!

Like I said earlier – Khloe has always been my favorite Kardashian – and this mini interview further cemented that feeling.

– Dirty Diva

*Videos courtesy of – Youtube*

The Dick Whisperer

It’s pretty safe to say that I’ve been around the block a few times. I’m not ashamed of it – I looove me some penis. However, in that same token, I honestly do wonder if I’m able to differentiate between penises, if they were put in front of me and I was supposed to tell them apart without being able to actually see them. I’ve only recently began to expand my penis repertoire (I always stuck to what I knew; I like to ‘play it safe”), so I can’t say I know a lot about cocks from different countries aside from the stereotypes I’ve heard.

Below is a video that I literally almost PEED MY FUCKING PANTS at while watching. Two women are blindfolded and they are asked to identify the dude’s nationality based on his penis. All I’m gonna say is.. I wish I were the woman to have created the name “The Dick Whisper”. Shit I wish I were that woman. LMAO.

BEST. VIDEO. EVER.

Do you think that you’d be able to tell the difference between the penises? Let us know in the comments below!

– Dirty Diva

The Law: It’s Good for Something.

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” I was against the entire thing. I was worried about being stopped by the cops, because the sign clearly states you can’t park after 8pm.. but we got bored with tellys. He convinced me that this was going to be okay by putting his hands down my pants, and began caressing my kitty, while giving me one of our most intense make out sessions to date. He kept saying that he could do whatever he wants, because he is the law. I really didn’t need much convincing anyways.

We had sex in the parking lot of Riverside Park at at 12 midnight, and we were pretty much allowed to be there when we shouldn’t have because he had a badge.

We got stopped after head (right before sex), but since he’s a federal officer when he pulled out his badge they said goodnight, no questions asked. We had some DAMN GOOD sex with a great view: the river and the New Jersey skyline, with an NYPD patrol car parked a couple of feet away. Thank goodness for those limo tints.

Damn his arrogant and persistent law enforcement ass. Cops ain’t shit, but damn that shit was good… and now this is our new spot. ”

– Dirty Diva

Scandalous

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“I was young and stupid! We were both in a relationship we did not want to be in, but I never let anything happen because we were coworkers (..and I just don’t shit where I sleep). At the end of the year I gave my resignation and decided to give him a try. Our first time was amazing. Our chemistry and passion were through the roof and his dick fit perfectly inside of me. Every time he stroked my pussy he reached my G Spot and made me cum over and over again that day.

Now, because we were both in a relationship with other people at the time, we had sex in so many different places. This one specific time, he asked me to go over to his place because the mother of his child was working late that night. I knew it was wrong, but me, being the nympho that I am, kept remembering how good he fucked me. After having three rounds of passionate sex, we decided to shower together and have some more. As he turns the shower on, I walk over to get inside. Now, his bathroom is at an angle to the apartment door. We both saw the door opening and almost had a heart attack. He quickly closed the bathroom door and ran straight to her. As I stand naked behind the door I’m thinking to myself:“Fuck. I’m gonna have to fight naked; how fucked up is that?” – all my clothes were in the bedroom and I couldn’t leave the bathroom. It was killing me- not knowing what was going on out there, wondering why it was so quiet.

He had convinced her that some random dude called the house asking about her and made her wait in the hallway staircase so they wouldn’t wake their baby up in the apartment (yes I know- I’m a selfish bitch for doing this while his baby was asleep in his own room). Thank God his baby momma was stupid and stayed there, lol. He told her he was “gonna check on the baby and come back”. All of a sudden he’s running back inside grabbed all my clothes threw them in the bathroom and told me to get dressed and walk out quickly because he had already tapped the elevator button for me. As I walked out the elevator magically appeared at the same time. I ran in and left. My heart was about to pop out my chest until the cold air hit me. What a fucking relief. I asked myself was it worth it?

Hell fucking yea that dick was amazing. Lol.”

– Dirty Diva

She-Hulk

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” I think my boyfriend and I had 1-2 years into our relationship. Around that the time he lived with his mother and brother in a two bedroom apartment.
Despite this scenario, we hardly ran into the issue of not being able to have sex.
Unfortunately, his sister who lived outside of NY got into a car accident and was temporarily in a wheelchair. For the time being, she had to come live with his mother until she was able to get back on her feet.
However, due to the lack of privacy (his sister was home 24/7 for obvious reasons, of course) we would go days without having sex. Can you imagine having no place to fuck (besides motels/hotels which we didn’t have the luxury to do on a daily basis)?! I didn’t have my own place, so that was out of the picture. He did have a car though, so we resorted to having incognito sex there, only at nights around the deserted areas on Riverside Drive.
At the beginning it was a joy ride for me, but it gradually started becoming a routine pattern which I despise (“routines”)! I needed a change of scene, excitement: anything!
Finally! It was a full house on a Saturday afternoon at his mother’s and the sex tension was on high. He got up to use the restroom, I followed.
We kiss as we simultaneously undo our pants, he turns me around and inserts his penis from the back. I’m facing the tile wall and using the towel holder outer rods as support. He’s pounding me like a jackhammer; I keep up with him as I furiously back it up even harder and feel his dick fulfilling every inch inside of me. The pounding continues and SNAP! We tumble few inches backwards, the sink thankfully stops us from falling, as well as the small size of the bathroom that we’re working with! I look down in my hands and see the right hand side of the towel holder rod! Huh? How can I?! The shit was super attached or glued or whatever source they used on the tile! I’ve always been told I’m a bit aggressive and strong but never to this magnitude!
Fortunately, he took the rap, his Puerto Rican mom gave him an earful of how he stays breaking things!
You won’t catch me doing like Mimi (Love & Hip Hop ATL) getting fucked as she hangs from the shower curtain rod- I’ll bring the whole roof down, hahaha! “
– Dirty Diva

Beware of Old Navy Shirts

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” On a nice sunny day, during my lunch break, I met up with my “friend”, who just happened to go to school near my job. We were eating at a burger spot when she started playing with my dick. We were both really horny and were plotting where to go and have this little fucky fuck session.

First we walked to Modells and attempted to use the dressing room, but that didn’t work. We looked across the street and saw an Old Navy and surprisingly, it was kind of empty. I picked up a few shirts and went upstairs to the fitting room where one person was working. I asked her if I could try my shirts on, and me, being such a great schemer, played it off by asking my “friend” to come and see how the shirts looked on me.

She unbuttoned my pants- I pulled her skirt up and turned her around so she can face the mirror and I  slipped it right in and started beating it from the bike (aka back). This chick’s pwussy was so good that I came within few minutes. But instead of coming inside of her I busted on her ass and used one of the shirts that I supposedly was trying on!

I kept the shirt that had all my mayonnaise (semen) with me and told the fitting room girl that I was keeping that one. As we were walking to the escalator I quickly folded the shirt and placed it on pile of shirts where it belonged (reunited and it feels so good, lol!)

I smacked her on her ass, gave her a kiss and told her I’d make her come later. “

The Godfather

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I’ll never forget him. His style, his presence, his swag; damn he’s good looking. There was something about him that made you want to be around him; made you want to know him.

We ended up at the same party this one specific night. It’s like the stars were aligned in our favor that night. I was drinking Johnny Walker and Cranberry Juice; he was sippin’ on Henny. We had been eyeing each other a little more than usual that night, and you could feel the tension and arousal in our dancing. He offered to drive me home; always the gentleman. Opened the door of his Benz and I slid right in, making sure nothing peeked out from under my skirt. Driving up the West Side Highway from downtown Manhattan is were it all began. I lit the blunt and the rest was history.

The mixture of Weed and Alcohol usually puts me straight to sleep, but I was high off his scent. Not sure what came over me, but I am glad whatever it was did. I put my hand on his thigh as he was driving and caressed him, working my way slowly to his member. The surprised look followed by the smile on his face was the green light I needed. I unzipped his pants and was instantly VERY PLEASANTLY surprised a nice, thick, hard penis is slowly standing at attention. I just KNEW we were going to have a GREAT night.

He left the car double parked at a hydrant, clearly not giving a shit about tickets. We could barely keep our hands off each other as we made our way up to my apartment. I’ve never wanted to taste a penis as bad as I did that very moment. I threw him on my bed and had my way with him. To this day is he is still one of the thickest men I’ve ever pleasured with my skills. His moans, his gestures; I KNOW he thoroughly enjoyed me sucking that dick as if I was a porn star. “You like sucking my dick? You suck that shit like its yours. Suck that dick baby, suck that DICK.” – I most definitely did.

Feeling him enter me and having him fuck the shit out of me is a memory I’ll never forget. His sensual touches, the way he placed his palm gently on my back as he fucked me doggy style; oh I was in Heaven. “You like this dick in you? You like it when I choke you like this? I’m gonna spank you for being a bad girl and holding out on me.” – He was quite the talker. I didn’t mind it, not one bit. He could say whatever he wanted to me with that big dick inside me.

After what seemed like half an hour of the best fuck of my life, he worked his way to my backside. Put a finger in my ass and I immediately moaned. He knew this wasn’t my first time. “You ever done anal?” – I asked. He said no, and was in for the biggest sexual ride of his life by far. He lubed me up and entered me slowly. Mmm I remember it like it was yesterday. I took it like a champ (as I knew I would); he came so fast none of us knew what happened.

He’s one of those guys who so damn good looking, all of the females want him. Never would have thought I would of hooked up with him.. but man am I happy I did.

– Dirty Diva

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