Category Archives: Penis

All Signs Point to NO…

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So, I “dated” this guy for about 4 months, after about 6 months of his nonstop begging (should’ve been sign #1). We were talking and hadn’t gotten to the physical part yet due to my non physical attraction to him (should’ve been sign #2). When I finally let this “Relationship” begin, we hung out, drank, smoked – everything was cool. We fooled around every so often; he was cool to hang out with.

Well, after about a month I finally let him hit. I was expecting for this session to be AMAZING based on the sex talk he was constantly spitting my way. The way he spoke about his head game, the positions, how long he lasted – all that good stuff – so obviously I was expecting some good shit. BOY WAS I WRONG. Let me explain: to begin, u should know that I am a “give the benefit of the doubt” kind of girl.

First let down: poor thing had a poor thing size of a penis. As I said, I am a “give the benefit of the doubt” kind of girl, so instantly I think “its not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean.” So we keep fooling around, kissing, grabbing and everything… homie proceeds to take my panties off and go down south; that may have been the only decent part of this encounter. I give him a 6 out of 10 (and yet that is still not my worse rating on that). After a few minutes I’m over that (and I love to get eaten out, so imagine my disappointment) so I pull him up and direct him so we can begin the “fuckfest”. I don’t even know how to explain, it was TERRIBLE! I had to fake the entire session (maybe like 6 minutes).

From beginning to end, it was a big let down. The head game; the size; the motion of the ocean; that sex talk was a rouge and I feel like I got played. I tried to make it work for a few more months because he was a really nice guy, but I couldn’t take it; we fucked maybe a total of 3-4 times in our 4 month run. After our 4th month, I was going to a boat party with my sister on a random Sunday, and I knew there was going to be this hottie who had been after me for a while. I kept turning him down because I didn’t want to cheat, so I did the honorable thing: I broke up with my boyfriend the Monday before the party, because I knew what was gonna happen.

After 4 months of terrible sex and being faithful I felt I deserved a reward. So we broke up, and let’s just say I woke up Monday morning after that boat party, feeling VERY happy and satisfied.

– Dirty Diva

Genitalia

The first time I touched a penis, I was in the 5th grade. It wasn’t intentional. I was sitting across from *Brian in the lunch room and was swaying my feet back and forth. I put my foot up to the bench and completely massaged his 10 year old penis without even realizing what I was doing. Once he figured out it what was really happening and looked at me dead in my face …I think I turned beet red. Lol

Below are two pretty funny videos about gay men and lesbian women touching the genitals of the opposite sex for the first time ever. I’m happy I didn’t react like these guys and gals did.

 

– Dirty Diva

*Videos courtesy of youtube.*

*Brian is his real name. Brian, if you read this and remember this happening, I’m not sorry. It was pretty funny. :)*

Does Size Matter?

Khloe has always been my favorite Kardashian. She’s the one with brains.. the one with logic.. and we are the same sign! So naturally.. we are like the same person.

She went on the Howard Stern show a few days ago, and of course, he asked her that damn question that all men with small dicks want to know: “Does Size Matter? ” Like a true Cancer, she answered the question.. and the conversation took off from there.

Perhaps my favorite part about this snippet of her interview was when she was asked about her blow job skills.

Personally, I give PHENOMENAL blow jobs (I’ve heard this pleeeeeenty of times, so it must be true, amirite?), and I will tell you that while Khloe gave literal advice on why her blow jobs are so damn good (which I COMPLETELY agree with), she failed to mention one thing:

When someone really enjoys giving a blow job, they will always do an amazing job at it.

Have you ever noticed that you always give it your best and your all to the things you enjoy doing? Its a completely normal characteristic in life.. one thrives in shit they know they are damn good at. If Khloe loves sucking cock, she’s gonna suck the SHIT out of that cock every chance she gets!! Sweet baby J up above knows I sure do!

Like I said earlier – Khloe has always been my favorite Kardashian – and this mini interview further cemented that feeling.

– Dirty Diva

*Videos courtesy of – Youtube*

The summer my hymen was no more.

Not my first time, nor second or third. Quite honestly, it has been a year since my ooh nana was tainted by the ex. Although I missed him, more so, the sex.

I didn’t want to go back to him. So what now?

I fell out of love with him and in love with SEX.

I was intrigued…I was aroused…I wanted more.

Juuuuuust not with my ex.

To add on to the frustration, summer was approaching. Yeah, cute boys, shirts off, playing basketball down at the courts, as I stroll down the street in my short shorts.

Well I guess I had someone looking out for my needs cause summer gave me the MORE I asked for.

This guy- lets call him Sylvester, Sly for short- was gorgeous. The body of an athlete, his mysterious eyes, and luscious lips had my juices ruining my panties ever time I saw him.

I knew Sly for about 3 years now but never really hung out as we did this one hot summer.

oohh just thinking of him now awakened my kitty.

Anyhow, we start hanging out innocently, but I wanted more and I knew he did too. He finally told me he wanted me, I responded with a passionate, sensual kiss. Shit his lips alone had me dripping. He stopped, he was taken aback, smiled and grabbed my face for more-this went on for 10 minutes. I have to laugh cause we were in the alley of my boys building, waiting on him to come out to hang, so this was our pass time.

After that we hung out again, went to his aunts crib (free crib). Of course, we go right to it.

Oh.

my.

his lips, his tongue, his hands.

I came before we were naked.

He kissed me all over, telling me what he was gonna do to me.

Oh…really…please do.

We are now naked.

Coño his Dick is fucking perfect. I do my way with his manhood but I really just want him in me.

I whisper, Oh please Sly, do me now.

OH MY G….He had just put the tip in and I jumped back.

Damn he was thick.

Let’s try this again.

Im so wet, he is so hard and thick and the two are not meshing..WTF. I mean I know its been a few months but I can’t be that tight again? can I?

He tried again and was able to go halfway before he asks, are you sure you are not a virgin?

Mother fucker I know what sex is, been known for a year. Not my first rodeo guy. At this point, im going crazy, just ram it. He smiles and complies. Oh SHIT…

Gorgeous guy on me with his luscious lips all on me and his perfect Dick penetrating my tainted flower.

I was so wet, we were in rhythm, in sync, in fuck mode.

Greatest fuck I ever had at the time.

So what happens after we cum? He sees RED, the sheets are bloody fucking red.

My period wasn’t due for another two weeks, can only mean one thing.

His massive perfect COCK, broke my hymen. Apparently, my ex wasn’t giving it to me as he should have- his dick was thin if we comparing. 😉 and come to think of it, I never bled my first time.  huh, ain’t that something?

He asked me again if i’m sure… this time smiling from ear to ear cause his dick was THE dick to tear the wall.

Damn that pencil dick of the ex. ha!

After my bloody episode we fucked a couple of more times that summer- rooftop was another memorable day but that is another post.

He was so fucking good. I knew this was just a summer fling and I was fine with that. I enjoyed every inch and thickness of that perfect DICK that summer. He enjoyed my pussy and my juices on his cock- he told me every time we met.

This was the perfect fling.

Summer came and went. Back to our perspective schools we went to. talked on aim for a while but never back to our sexual escapades. When we would see each other (the hood is not that big), we’d have small talk and always go back to that summer. We’d smile and with curiosity in our eyes say our goodbyes until the next time we bump into each other.

If Sly ever reads this, just know you will always be my best summer.

Best. Summer. Ever.

 

~MonALovin’~

Hungry Gorilla Bastard

 

Just in time for Way Back Wednesday …
Hungry Gorilla
“I had been talking to this guy for about 3 months and he just had a birthday. I didn’t think much of this guy in terms of his looks. He was skinny, hairy, smelled a little funny and just plain ugly. What had attracted me was that he was kind to me and was easy to talk to. I mean ugly people need love too, right?
I decided to cut class with him and go to his house. This was all my idea. Bad little girl I was. I thought it would be a nice birthday gift for him and an experience for me. He was gonna be the second guy I have sex with and I hoped for success. The guy I had lost it to before was never able to give me an orgasm or give me a hint of pleasure. I had hoped that this guy would be able to.
On our way to his house, he asked if I wanted something to eat. I told him: “No thanks”. He himself was hungry and I was shocked he didn’t eat anything. He loved to eat and was always eating, as a matter of fact, but I guess he just went with the flow. We just went straight to his house, where no one was home, or expected to be home, until the evening.
We popped Dirty Dancing into the DVD player (My choice of film). We were in his living room surrounded by photos of him family and dolls his mother use to collect. We started to make out, and it was those make out sessions where you know you’re gonna get some, lots of tongue and intense, as we sat on a Lazy Boy chair from the 80’s. I thought “this is it”. I was completely ready. I shaved my cookie, my armpits, legs, even my ass crack (not for back door action but just because I wanted to be hairless and perfect). I thought we could do it on the chair to be more exciting but he decided to move to his room halfway through getting naked. I left my shoes, jeans and top in the living room. He carried my fat ass to his room, which was awkward, but again, I wanted a full blown romantic experience. This again was suppose to be his birthday gift, but why couldn’t I have things done for me too. Shit, I mean he was ugly. He was lucky to have me.
It was time. We were on the double bed. He was on top of me we kissed heavily until he put on a condom. He was getting in the mood by rubbing his penis on my pussy lips. I was happy he wasn’t small like the other guy. I just kept thinking: “I can’t wait to cum”. He put my hand on his cock. ‘This is thicker’ – I thought. I would jerk it a little bit and give it back to him. LOL. Thinking about it now, I guess he wanted me to stick it in myself, but I didn’t get that back then. Finally he put it in and was moving.
After about 3 minutes he stops.
I asked him: “What’s wrong?”.
He looked up at me and said: “I can’t keep going.”
I thought he came, but then he says “I’m hungry”.
He did not mean hungry for a mouthful of vagina or ass. He was hungry for food. He gave me a quick hug or whatever and hopped off. I had no choice but to stay wet and horny while he ate some cereal. Yes, this happened. This happened to me.
Later on after all that ‘excitement’ we were still not dressed. I decided to hop on myself and make this happen. We already made the effort to cut class and get that alone time in. I hopped on his dick and started riding it. He moaned and made love faces and slapped the condom on. I thought ‘okay, this is good’. Then the apartment door opened. We were no longer alone and my orgasm goal failed. We never attempted to fuck again and I just deaded him completely. Happy birthday you hungry gorilla bastard.”
-Dirty Diva

The Dick Whisperer

It’s pretty safe to say that I’ve been around the block a few times. I’m not ashamed of it – I looove me some penis. However, in that same token, I honestly do wonder if I’m able to differentiate between penises, if they were put in front of me and I was supposed to tell them apart without being able to actually see them. I’ve only recently began to expand my penis repertoire (I always stuck to what I knew; I like to ‘play it safe”), so I can’t say I know a lot about cocks from different countries aside from the stereotypes I’ve heard.

Below is a video that I literally almost PEED MY FUCKING PANTS at while watching. Two women are blindfolded and they are asked to identify the dude’s nationality based on his penis. All I’m gonna say is.. I wish I were the woman to have created the name “The Dick Whisper”. Shit I wish I were that woman. LMAO.

BEST. VIDEO. EVER.

Do you think that you’d be able to tell the difference between the penises? Let us know in the comments below!

– Dirty Diva

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