The Law: It’s Good for Something.

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” I was against the entire thing. I was worried about being stopped by the cops, because the sign clearly states you can’t park after 8pm.. but we got bored with tellys. He convinced me that this was going to be okay by putting his hands down my pants, and began caressing my kitty, while giving me one of our most intense make out sessions to date. He kept saying that he could do whatever he wants, because he is the law. I really didn’t need much convincing anyways.

We had sex in the parking lot of Riverside Park at at 12 midnight, and we were pretty much allowed to be there when we shouldn’t have because he had a badge.

We got stopped after head (right before sex), but since he’s a federal officer when he pulled out his badge they said goodnight, no questions asked. We had some DAMN GOOD sex with a great view: the river and the New Jersey skyline, with an NYPD patrol car parked a couple of feet away. Thank goodness for those limo tints.

Damn his arrogant and persistent law enforcement ass. Cops ain’t shit, but damn that shit was good… and now this is our new spot. ”

– Dirty Diva

Where’d It Go?!

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“I was on this new co-ed softball team and found myself oddly attracted to this older guy on the team. He not only had salt and pepper hair and was about 15 years older than me, but he wasn’t even that attractive. Somehow I still found myself flirting with him. The more he ignored me, the more I wanted him.
One night, he invited the team over for a house party. I was ready to make my move. I dressed up in my sexiest outfit, made sure to wear my favorite sexy bra & underwear, and even packed a sleep over bag. THAT’s how confident I was.
At the party, I made an effort to ignore him and speak with his friends. I found him sniffing around me all night. At one point I went to the bathroom to check my makeup, and as I opened the door, he was right there. I snatched him, pulled him into the bathroom and closed the door. I rammed my tongue down his throat and grabbed his cock outside of his pants; he was rock hard.

After a few gropes and rubs, he pulled away, and said “Save this; don’t leave tonight”. Only a few minutes had passed when I realized he was ending the party and kicking everyone out. He pulled me into his bedroom and we tore each other’s clothes off. We fucked about 3x that night. After the third time, when he pulled out, we couldn’t find the condom. We looked everywhere. At first I was scared that it had stayed inside of me, and then I worried that he hadn’t used one and I did not notice.

In the wee hours of the morning, when I realized we had nothing left to say, I grabbed my jeans, heels and one of his t-shirts and headed home. At the time I was still living with my parents, so when I got back to their house in the am, the whole family was eating in the kitchen. I was in my walk of shame clothes, but they thought I stayed at one of my girlfriends crib, so I thought I was good. I chatted with them for a bit and went to the bathroom. As I was walking out of the bathroom, I caught a glimpse of something on me in the mirror. To my horror, there was the condom, stuck to the ass of my jeans with cum keeping it together. To this day, I will ever know if my family noticed it. LOL.”

– Dirty Diva

Scandalous

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“I was young and stupid! We were both in a relationship we did not want to be in, but I never let anything happen because we were coworkers (..and I just don’t shit where I sleep). At the end of the year I gave my resignation and decided to give him a try. Our first time was amazing. Our chemistry and passion were through the roof and his dick fit perfectly inside of me. Every time he stroked my pussy he reached my G Spot and made me cum over and over again that day.

Now, because we were both in a relationship with other people at the time, we had sex in so many different places. This one specific time, he asked me to go over to his place because the mother of his child was working late that night. I knew it was wrong, but me, being the nympho that I am, kept remembering how good he fucked me. After having three rounds of passionate sex, we decided to shower together and have some more. As he turns the shower on, I walk over to get inside. Now, his bathroom is at an angle to the apartment door. We both saw the door opening and almost had a heart attack. He quickly closed the bathroom door and ran straight to her. As I stand naked behind the door I’m thinking to myself:“Fuck. I’m gonna have to fight naked; how fucked up is that?” – all my clothes were in the bedroom and I couldn’t leave the bathroom. It was killing me- not knowing what was going on out there, wondering why it was so quiet.

He had convinced her that some random dude called the house asking about her and made her wait in the hallway staircase so they wouldn’t wake their baby up in the apartment (yes I know- I’m a selfish bitch for doing this while his baby was asleep in his own room). Thank God his baby momma was stupid and stayed there, lol. He told her he was “gonna check on the baby and come back”. All of a sudden he’s running back inside grabbed all my clothes threw them in the bathroom and told me to get dressed and walk out quickly because he had already tapped the elevator button for me. As I walked out the elevator magically appeared at the same time. I ran in and left. My heart was about to pop out my chest until the cold air hit me. What a fucking relief. I asked myself was it worth it?

Hell fucking yea that dick was amazing. Lol.”

– Dirty Diva

Thanks, but no thanks, Officer

Security!

Security!

I don’t even know how it started. It happened rather quickly too. He worked in my building, as security. I said absolutely nothing to him for about 6 months. Then one day, out of nowhere, he smiled at me and I smiled back. I’m a sucker for a nice smile. That’s my problem.

We began saying good morning / good evening and all that jazz. We got to know each other a bit; enough for me to decide that I was going to sleep with him the minute I had the chance to.. And boy did that happen. This particular night – I met him in the security room and we got straight to business. He put on Alicia Keys’ – The Element of Freedom and fingered me to the beat of the music. He surprised me with “two in the pink and one in stink”; and anyone who knows me knows how much I LOVE tushy play.

I couldn’t contain myself and sucked the shit out of his dick. I even surprised myself with the tricks I pulled out of my sleeve. (Thinking about it I probably shouldn’t have gone down on him but I didn’t give two shits at that point in time.) His moans/ hands and body got me off so much that I just kept sucking, licking and jerking him, completely ignoring the fact that he was telling me to stop because he was going to cum. Three seconds later he jizzed all in my mouth. I went to the bathroom and spit that shit right out.

We fucked for a good week and a half straight until one Saturday morning at 7:30a I get a call from his phone. I picked up, real confused, only to hear the voice of his wife, who to my knowledge, was his ex wife, and wasn’t even living in the same state as he was. That was a lovely conversation she and I had.

Needless to say, he quit (or got fired) immediately after that, and I never heard from him again.

Good riddance.

– Dirty Diva

She-Hulk

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” I think my boyfriend and I had 1-2 years into our relationship. Around that the time he lived with his mother and brother in a two bedroom apartment.
Despite this scenario, we hardly ran into the issue of not being able to have sex.
Unfortunately, his sister who lived outside of NY got into a car accident and was temporarily in a wheelchair. For the time being, she had to come live with his mother until she was able to get back on her feet.
However, due to the lack of privacy (his sister was home 24/7 for obvious reasons, of course) we would go days without having sex. Can you imagine having no place to fuck (besides motels/hotels which we didn’t have the luxury to do on a daily basis)?! I didn’t have my own place, so that was out of the picture. He did have a car though, so we resorted to having incognito sex there, only at nights around the deserted areas on Riverside Drive.
At the beginning it was a joy ride for me, but it gradually started becoming a routine pattern which I despise (“routines”)! I needed a change of scene, excitement: anything!
Finally! It was a full house on a Saturday afternoon at his mother’s and the sex tension was on high. He got up to use the restroom, I followed.
We kiss as we simultaneously undo our pants, he turns me around and inserts his penis from the back. I’m facing the tile wall and using the towel holder outer rods as support. He’s pounding me like a jackhammer; I keep up with him as I furiously back it up even harder and feel his dick fulfilling every inch inside of me. The pounding continues and SNAP! We tumble few inches backwards, the sink thankfully stops us from falling, as well as the small size of the bathroom that we’re working with! I look down in my hands and see the right hand side of the towel holder rod! Huh? How can I?! The shit was super attached or glued or whatever source they used on the tile! I’ve always been told I’m a bit aggressive and strong but never to this magnitude!
Fortunately, he took the rap, his Puerto Rican mom gave him an earful of how he stays breaking things!
You won’t catch me doing like Mimi (Love & Hip Hop ATL) getting fucked as she hangs from the shower curtain rod- I’ll bring the whole roof down, hahaha! “
– Dirty Diva

Beware of Old Navy Shirts

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” On a nice sunny day, during my lunch break, I met up with my “friend”, who just happened to go to school near my job. We were eating at a burger spot when she started playing with my dick. We were both really horny and were plotting where to go and have this little fucky fuck session.

First we walked to Modells and attempted to use the dressing room, but that didn’t work. We looked across the street and saw an Old Navy and surprisingly, it was kind of empty. I picked up a few shirts and went upstairs to the fitting room where one person was working. I asked her if I could try my shirts on, and me, being such a great schemer, played it off by asking my “friend” to come and see how the shirts looked on me.

She unbuttoned my pants- I pulled her skirt up and turned her around so she can face the mirror and I  slipped it right in and started beating it from the bike (aka back). This chick’s pwussy was so good that I came within few minutes. But instead of coming inside of her I busted on her ass and used one of the shirts that I supposedly was trying on!

I kept the shirt that had all my mayonnaise (semen) with me and told the fitting room girl that I was keeping that one. As we were walking to the escalator I quickly folded the shirt and placed it on pile of shirts where it belonged (reunited and it feels so good, lol!)

I smacked her on her ass, gave her a kiss and told her I’d make her come later. “

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“I was talking to this dude for a little bit a while back. Always came to see me, took me out; all that jazz. He said he was single; had broken up w his bitch a bit before we started talking. He showed me no reason to not believe him, so I was game.

He came over this one specific night, looking and smelling just how I liked. I poured him and I some Henny, so you already know how that goes: flirtin’, jonesin’; the whole 9. We begin making out; its gettin hot and heavy REAL QUICK. Next thing you know, he slammed me against my wall.

Something I should mention about myself- I thoroughly enjoy ROUGH SEX. The rougher the better (makes misbehaving so much more fun) and with him, the sex was INCREDIBLE. He pulled the shit out of my hair, and bit me all over. I’d wake up with bruises all over my body (reminiscing now actually has me a little wet). This night was no different. My inner thighs- bruised; my nipples- bit up and slightly bruised. We are fucking like rabbits, and holy FUCK does it feel good. He is so deep in me, fucking me so intensely I swear I came about 4 times.

We go to bed soon after the fuckathon and he is dead asleep. I mean, who wouldn’t be? This guy was so far gone that I don’t think even a bomb going off would wake him. It was super late, and I’m drifting off, when I hear banging at my front door. I tip toed to the door, because I don’t know WHO THE FUCK is banging at this time at night. Then I hear it: “Yeah, she lives right there when you get off the steps.”

Some chick is outside my door, pacing back and forth, talkin to someone while I’m staring through the peephole. She banged a few more times, said “Nah, they aren’t here” and left. By that point I had put two and two together. I walk back to my bedroom, tapped homeboy on this shoulders, and when he didn’t budge I said: “Do you know your girl was just here knocking on my door?”

He got up SHOOK, thew all on his clothes on and crawled down my fire escape.”

– Dirty Diva

What Would You Do With a Fur Burger?

The Evolution of Hair

 

After having one of many conversations about “hair down there” with my girls, it crossed my mind that men and women (probably) think differently about pubic hair, and that everyone has different limitations when it comes to pubic hair.

Women, for the most part, are all the same. “If I’m neat/trimmed/ prim and proper down there, you better be the same.” Don’t expect to get that good sloppy toppy if I have to stop every 2 minutes to pull a pube out of my mouth. (Excuse me while I go gag).

So, being who I am, (naturally) I polled a few men to see what their thoughts were on this hairy topic. I gave the following scenario:

A chick hits you up, ready to fuck. When she shows up, her lady friend is covered in hair. Not ‘Welcome to the Jungle’ bush hair, just regular ‘a razor hasn’t seen this or a waxer hasn’t seen this’ in over a month’ hair. 

  • Does that turn you off?
  • Do you still fuck her?
  • Is there a difference/ does it matter if you have never fucked her before? 


Below are a few of the replies:

1. ” I’m sure after she sees my facial expression ( :-/ ) she’ll know that I’m not going down on her, but I’ll smash. After, I’ll crack jokes on her retro look until she gets the point. It’s mean, but honest. ” – Charles, NYC, NY

2. ” Well it does. You don’t want hairs to tangle nor the fucking smell. Biggest factor is you wanna hear the sound of skin slap and I love to see the white pussy juice slide down my dick without being hitched in the hair. ” – William, Long Island, NY

3. ” 1. Big turn off; presentation is key. That shit looks like you are unsanitary and have no respect for the art of sex and blessing of life.
2. Do she get sex? HELL NO: First class bus/ train/ cab or walk right back from where she came from.
3. Refer to answer # 1. ” – T.I.P., West Palm Beach, Florida

4. ” A month worth of hair ain’t that bad I’d assume, and if we never fucked I think I’d be down to shower first and after that I’m going face first on that fur burger, lmao. ” – Nick, Brooklyn, NY

5. ” #Longhairdontcare ” – Kevin, Bronx, NY

6. ” HELL NOOOOOOO !!!! ” – Brian, NYC, NY

Seems like most men will definitely have sex with a hairy vagina, but no one wants to chomp away eat one.
At least we all agree on one thing: If it’s hairy,  ain’t no one going down!

What are your thoughts about this hairy situation? Let us know in the comments below!

– Dirty Diva

Thank you, Thought Catalog

 ” While jerking me off as slowly as possible so as not to raise suspicion, she whispered in my ear that she wanted to make me come. It was odd being shoulder-to-shoulder with a complete stranger, and it wasn’t easy to muffle my increasingly heavy breathing, but it was incredibly hot to do something so daring out in the open. After about half an hour, I came, smiling wide, aware that I would never forget that less-than-innocent hand job. “

Reading sites online has always been one of my Top 5 things to do on the internet (Pornhub and Us Weekly are also on that list). You can find articles on pretty much anything and everything on the internet (as if ya didn’t know that). So naturally, I’m subscribed to a bunch of these sites, and get super excited when I get an email about a new blog or post that’s up.

Today’s stories come Courtesy of Thought Catalog. Below, for your reading pleasure are 5 Real Sex Stories That Will Make You Really Horny.

” 1. Jerking around in-flight (male, 30)

My college girlfriend had an insatiable appetite for sex. So an hour before heading to the airport to catch a flight to Italy in 2002 (the trip was our graduation gift to ourselves), we had sex. By the time we were boarding, she was already ready for more. Naturally, we checked out the plane’s bathroom, but we agreed that it looked too cramped for a mid-air romp.

Undeterred, my gal summoned a flight attendant shortly after takeoff and requested two blankets. Then she draped the navy blue polyester throws over my lap, slipped her hand beneath the makeshift barrier, withdrew my dick, and massaged me to erection. Bear in mind that we were in a three-seat row. She was by the window, I was in the center, and a middle-aged European dude neither of us knew was sitting near the aisle.

While jerking me off as slowly as possible so as not to raise suspicion, she whispered in my ear that she wanted to make me come. It was odd being shoulder-to-shoulder with a complete stranger, and it wasn’t easy to muffle my increasingly heavy breathing, but it was incredibly hot to do something so daring out in the open. After about half an hour, I came, smiling wide, aware that I would never forget that less-than-innocent hand job.

2. Starfucking (female, 20)

The Spring Fling concert is a major campus event at my small liberal arts college. So when the famous rapper we’d all been looking forward to seeing for weeks singled me out and pulled me up on stage mid-performance, it was a big deal. Dancing alongside a verified celeb in front of the entire school, I inevitably got a little drunk on my five minutes of spotlight. I decided right then and there that I was DTF (down to fuck).

But what transpired between us wasn’t the wild, disconnected sex I anticipated. To start, the dapper rapper nibbled on my toes. He followed that intimate gesture by caressing my body tenderly all over. Then he told me he could love me, and offered to pay for my college education! The next morning, he invited all my friends out to brunch.

As soon as he left town, the reality that he was twice my age, lived in Atlanta, and traveled constantly set in. When he texted a few days later, I was shocked he hadn’t forgotten me already. My ego begged me to respond. But rather than draw the whole thing out and make myself vulnerable to disappointment, I chose not to taint a precious one-night stand. Hopefully the disappointment didn’t kill him! “

I feel like I should start contributing a few of my stories to them as well!

For More Sexy, Sensual Stories – > Click HERE.

– Dirty Diva

I’ll do your braids… for some D@#K

Doggy Style

 

I was chilling with the homies, drinking and smoking. I hit my homegirl up cause I needed to get a redo on my braids. I really didn’t need to- my braids were fresh, but I know how she and her friends get down: Easy! So me and my boys roll up in the prelude and she opens the door with some booty shorts and white tank top with no bra. I mean, dog, that ass and them tits??!! ooooohh wweeee.

So anyhow, my boys get to rolling up the blunts, start this cypher. We parlaying with these bitches, shorties looking good to fuck with too. My boys already know the deal.

My braids are done and I’m all up on my the shorty. She tells me to follow her. I’m thinkin aaight, I have to pay her and shit. YEA RIGHT; Bitch was naked by the time I got to her room, waiting for me doggystyle.

“Want this daddy?” Shit! Im hard.  Ain’t think twice about it I rammed my cock right in her pussy. She calling me daddy, telling me to slap her ass. She rode me like no other and sucked my dick like her life depended on it. I put her back on doggy cause yea her body was a 10 but her face needed help. I mean I’m not God but ladies love cool D and my DICK.

As I’m tearing that ass up, my boy walks in and sits in front of her, she knew what was up. As I’m fucking her back she blowing the homie.

I ain’t mind, I’m getting mine; let the homie get his too!

I knew she was a hoe. I only wanted my braids done and get some head while I’m there. Easiest lay. You want to get your hair braided, let me know. I introduce you to shorty. She braids for dick!

~DirtyDick~

~MonAlovin~

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